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Friday, June 20, 2008

A Letter To A Landscaper

Dear Bruce,

You're fired!

I have tried to be patient but after you did the following, I have no choice but to banish you from My Skinny Garden forever.

  1. You ripped out my second year strawberries thinking they were weeds. Compared to all the creeping charlie that is taking over my entire estate, I don't know how you thought those beautiful strawberries were weeds and the creeping charlie wasn't. But, whatever.
  2. When I left you a voicemail saying you ripped out my strawberries, you didn't even call to apologize. In fact, you never mentioned it again until we found your bill on our door with a note below the total (you overcharged us .50 by the way. Get a calculator!) saying "minus a few dollars for the strawberries." Frankly, Bruce, that pissed me off.
  3. You never mowed behind the garage or beside the house where the big ass weeds are growing. I guess you thought those were there on purpose.
  4. When we called to ask that you please mow the big weeds behind the garage ("if you are facing the garage door, it's on the right" we explained) the next time you came over, you hurried over the next day and mowed down my mammoth sunflower seedlings that my friend gave me, and left the big weeds behind the garage (on the right, not the left, Bruce!)

I nurse the plants along and then you come and mow them down and that breaks my heart which pisses Mr. Wonderful off and neither of us can take it anymore.

You've got a lot to learn, Bruce. Call me in about 10 years.



PS We're going to buy a new mower and mow ourselves. I don't know what we were thinking, anyway.


  1. He should be glad he's only fired and not dead!

  2. You'll enjoy mowing the lawn yourself. Good exercise, fresh air. And you'll know you are only mowing what should be mowed!

  3. ARGH! I bet I know Bruce--or some landscapers like him. They're the ones that give the others a bad name... the ones that come into the garden center and ask us questions like, "Hey, one of my clients has these plants. They have big green round leaves with a white edge around them. I don't know what they are called, but they want me to get some more of them. Can you figure out what they are for me? And let me know if I can put them in all day sun where they want them to grow?"


    Good for you for firing him. YAY Gina!

  4. What a nimrod! Good call. Someone who knows nothing about plants should not dare call themselves a "landscaper"

  5. Wow. This Bruce really is a moron, isn't he??

  6. I agree with Soilman. What kind of landscaper doesn't know the difference between weeds and strawberries?! And maybe even worse that he can't tell his left from right. MORON!

  7. I know how you feel - it's the same way I feel when I see what the "landscapers" (I use the term very loosely) do to my mom's garden. Bruce must have thought your carefully tended strawberries were the wild weed ones like I have in my lawn. But still, one doesn't mulch weeds - get a clue Bruce. Get a mower like Kylee at Our Little Acre reviewed this spring. It sounds great.

  8. I wish I could mow for myself outside my apartment. Every time I hear the mowers I have to spend the morning outside defending my little patch of greenery. More than once I have had the mowing men pull out the flowers and leave behind the weeds. They also like to run the weed wacker over the marigold seedlings. Mowing services are staffed by men with machines, not gardeners....

    I think you will be much happier doing your own yard I long to do myself...

  9. Our neighbors had a similar experience. Their lawn care "experts" mowed down a 20 year-old peony bush which never recovered.

    If you don't want to mow, dig up more lawn - Whee!*

    *I can dream, can't I?

  10. Heather's GardenJune 21, 2008 at 7:22 PM

    This is why when we started gardening we bought a mower and told our landlord that we would take care of the lawn from now on.

  11. Too bad you can't post his photo with a big line through it. That would make you feel an little bit better, right? And I agree with Carol, some mowing will get all that frustration out. We never did by a new reel mower, so I can't help you there.

  12. We love our reel mower, Gina. It's actually fun to use! And honestly, is Bruce for real??? What a moron, as soilman said, or a "maroon", as we say in a forum I'm a part of. That's just insane! I'd be ranting and ripping him a new one.