grow, marvel, eat, laugh, persevere

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Highs and Lows of Life and Gardening

I read something the other day about how stupid it is to limit what you write about on your personal blog when your personal blog is in a niche, like say, gardening. I took this as a sign from the eGods that that I should just write. So many days go by that I have things to say but don't publish anything because the gardening angle isn't clear to me.  Don't get me wrong, I can always find one but sometimes it's exhausting.

On the gardening front I have been plant sitting a flat of seedlings for a coworker. I'm freaking out about them because some of them are in serious need of thinning. I feel compelled to do it myself but if somebody thinned my seedlings I would not be happy. So, I'm just trying to keep them alive until they get picked up.  Meanwhile, all my seedlings are dead. It is hard to believe that I spent more money on seeds than ever this year yet I am going to be buying all my plants for the garden.

Tomorrow is my father-in-law's birthday. I normally have plenty of tulips and daffodils blooming in the garden on his birthday but with everything so early this year, I was worried I wouldn't have anything to take to the cemetery. But I think I can pull together a nice albeit very different bouquet than the last couple of years.  The pain's still there. We miss him terribly and need him now more than ever.

Earlier this morning a person in my husband's family died unexpectedly in his sleep. He was my age. I wish I could tell you about the sensitive details. They are in my head like a captured animal pacing around a cage desperate for a way out.  How sad and devastating it is for our family. How the frantic phone call led us to believe it was a different person. It is hard to find the words to articulate the feeling of having fully processed that a person has passed away then discover they're alive. That it's really a whole other person. It is a roller coaster of highs and lows. The highs eclipsed by guilt and shame, the lows filled with sadness and devastation.

I planted salad greens, radishes and things of that nature. They are up and I am thankful for that.


  1. I had two people tell me during my recovery that I "You should focus on gardening because people don't care about anything else you have to say." So I kicked 'em to the curb, quit that blog, and started another blog for my LIFE, because I'll be damned if someone is going to squish me into a niche. So I blog about everything, and it keeps my writing fresh (for me).

    I hope you can take some fresh cut flowers to your FIL's grave.

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss in your family, especially given how the news came to you. Hugs.

  2. Hi there...
    I'm so sorry for your family's recent loss at an already sensitive time when missing your father is especially acute.

    I hope you can find some beauty & peace in the garden. There is something wonderful - for me at least - about watching the garden grow.

  3. It can be frustrating when you know you have something to say but aren't sure if it "fits" with the blog theme. I think daily life dealings fits in quite well with personal gardening blogs, but maybe that's just me. After all people are usually reading because of the blogger and not always what they're blogging about.

    Sorry to hear of the recent passing in your family. :(

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  5. Hey there,
    This complete stranger thinks you sound in a funk. You have certainly had the sad events of late to contribute to that. Have you considered sitting down with someone and chatting it out? It can really help.


  6. Hey Gina, you popped into my head this morning, and I just wanted to stop by to say I'm thinking of you. I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your relative. My sincere condolences to you and your family.